FEAR stands for Fuck Everything And Run

…It’s an old AA saying or so I’ve been told. And surely right now I’m ready to sprint to quit my job so I can stay on Medicaid. That, or I legitimately study every freaking thing I’d need to do and get to make my own generic Lamictal and Luvox. Is my life about to become a spin off of Breaking Bad?

After taking time off to visit the IDHS who told me that my medicaid was in tact, I then get a letter this following week saying that in August of this year my medicaid will be terminated because I make too much money. Now I’ll share with you that I make $10.50 an hour, 40 hours a week and I’m paid biweekly. With all the debt that I’m in, I would be screwed into a coffin while alive if I had to on top of all of that pay for some shitty insurance that will cost me an arm and a leg in copays and monthly fees to upkeep it. When I first started on Obamacare I couldn’t afford the montlhy payments so I ended up with no insurance at all. You know how much my Luvox alone is without insurance coverage? Just over 300 dollars. That’s literally half my paycheck for ONE 30 DAY prescription.

I was just in the shower 10 minutes ago standing under the water and trying not to scream thinking that I should write President Obama and beg him for mercy and let me stay on medicaid. Do jobs let you take a pay cut? I normally don’t ever say things like, “What a miserable life, I want to die” around my family but in my sudden FEAR I let that line slip. My heart is racing and I’m doing the best breathing that I can in order to keep myself calm…but all I want to do is fuck everything and run.

18 thoughts on “FEAR stands for Fuck Everything And Run

  1. I am on Medicare through SSDI. Now I called and asked if I could find something that I might be able to manage part time would it hurt my SSDI. Now you can work with it, but as they told me then if you can work at all your reviews will be sooner and you could lose your benefits. I am permanently disabled and the last thing I need is to be told I have to go back to work. I can barely move somedays and then mentally I have Bipolar and BPD, plus anxiety, panic and OCD, PTSD and agoraphobia. I can’t sit more than a few hours tops,sometimes less.

  2. Girl, this is tough. I’m so sorry. I have been wanting to scream and say some things I normally don’t say either lately. e-mail me if you’d like if you want to talk.

  3. This is horrible. Obama care is completely unaffordable.

    The deductible is outrageous. I could not afford it either. I went without insurance for 8 months because I made too much to qualify for medicaide.

    Now that I have lost my job, I have medicaide.

    It is so ridiculous. Now should I stay out of work just to have insurance?

    Now you would have to stop working, or severely cut your hours to keep your insurance. But then you will not have money for anything else you need to survive.

    It is the stupidest system of ” helping the Folks” as Obama would say. I hate when he refers to us as ” folks” like he is our friend or one of us.

    I am sorry you are in this unthinkable situation. The rich “folks” in government have no idea what it is like to live on 10 dollars an hour.

    They have never had to choose between buying medicine or food. I have and it is far from funny.

    • That’s funny you should say, “Now should I stay out of work just to have insurance?” because that’s my #1 thought on the subject, and it’s awful. I’m glad you can relate, not in a way in which I’m glad for your misfortune and suffering…but it’s nice to be able to relate.

  4. I feel you. Completely. But you know- you’re a smart cookie! You have to literally think like an automoton sometimes. (It’s what I do and it works wonders.) I used to be mega screwed up (as you know) and couldn’t leave my house for 10 years (hardly) and had every disorder known to man. Now, I’m med. free (but not Medicaid free! heheh) and I think like a shark because I HAVE to. I’m like, “Implement a plan and execute it. Period.”

    But also, have you considered house cleaning? (It’s a bit under the table) and you could make $15 per hour like I do on the side. (Wink.) It’s damn good money. Craig’s List is amazing for that.

    Anywho, just trying to throw some ideas at you! You’re right. They hang you legally so that you can’t get ahead. it’s criminal. Whatever you decide to do- keep pushing on, yo! You’re amazing. 🙂

    • I need to be as sharklike as possible to get through this week. I’ll break it down a day at a time, but still. NEED TO DO IT! I had a rough weekend and need to pick up the morale by feeling accomplished.

      I’ll look into Craig’s List but I’m slightly terrified because half the strangers you meet for dogsitting/anything else on sites like those are absolutely batshit.

      😀 No, YOU’RE amazing!

      • Yep- I’d have tot agree with you there. And then there’s the Craig’s List Ripper. :-/ But generally, if it’s a female I’m talking with and she has the sound of “upper class, somewhat business-like in her dealings”, it’s a pretty good indication that she’s not a ripper. ;0) But I’ll never go to a guy’s house (for the 1st time) alone- EVER. $15 and hour is good money for scrubbing toilets though, you know?

        And yeah, we’re so much alike in that way too- if I’m not “checking off my list of things I want to get done”- I feel sooooo lazy, unaccomplished, and it spins me out out into a negative place. So, being a bit of an over-achiever is sort of my comfort zone.

        Hope you have a great week! I’ve just sold 3 of my lenses to fix my alternator. (It was a toss up between that, getting my gas turned back on, or paying my ridiculously high electric bill. Car comes first! ;0) Oh when it rains it pours, doesn’t it, BB? TC. 😉

  5. This comment is for the Luvox cost. I have a friend on Anafronil, an old old tricyclic 0 00

    That’s 10.00 a pill in the United States. So she lets herself run out and drinks and get in trouble. She uses it as a set up, I’m sure you are way past that. Best to buy from a reputable Canadian pharmacy. The whole Obamacare thing is a set up too. We get our hopes up.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s