Bubbling Brain Bog

News coverage of the most recent big shooting poses more evidence to my research hypothesis on perceptions of mental illness based on media and pop culture exposure. Why is the young white male gunman the face of mental illness? Anyway…

The indent in my mattress I get pulled into has been ticking me off. I can’t even sleep right now because every time I start to fall into the slope I feel like punching the adjoining wall. Obviously not productive.

Waking up with obnoxious full body pains and hypersensitivity have made mornings headed to work hell and I’m even hypersensitive to smells. All of these things are daily occurrences and as I lay in my uneven bed right now smelling God knows what’s been reheated and wanting to jump out of my skin, I can genuinely report my current mood is 3 of ten with more anger and resentment at the world around me than depression. Though I may add if there was a theme for the day it was in fact, depression.

I’ve been trying to combat the heavy mental weights by jotting down minor events and accomplishments. Examples of this are that I test drove the car I want to buy and that I made great progress in the RPG I’m playing. Counting up the little things in written form has always helped raise morale and one day when I’m a certified therapist I will most definitely insist my clients do the same.

Being a small time hero and all around “good guy” at work has been rewarding. On the other hand my scumbag supervisor drove me up a wall so high last week that had I felt like screaming and crying. Thankfully I’ve trained myself to withhold (most) emotional reactive outbursts. (Makes me step back and note how I never stop growing and learning.) Only good people should be allowed to work as supervisors. It reminds me of a history course I took where I learned that the first “police” in early America were thugs, amongst other ugly things.

I’m taking an online course on bartending I purchased for 5 bucks on groupon just to do something out of the ordinary. I’m reading the Grimm fairy tale compilation in my journey to become a master folklorist. I’m considering taking a non credit acting class just for me. I miss Chris, whose isolating in his own depression…and making me feel uncomfortably disconnected with him. I plan on starting to take walks or do strength training at the gym. I just need to recreate the habit and get healthy. Starting is the hardest. These are things in my life.

Oh, bother.

3 thoughts on “Bubbling Brain Bog

  1. You’ve got a plan and that’s half the battle. For me, walking saved me. Just my favorite pair of Nike’s and the wind at my back… I wish you well…

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