I’m a Rapid Cycler, You know, just FYI

It’s 5:43am CST and I’m watching a crappy horror movie in which a dead guy is playing basketball with his severed head. My behavior tonight led me to wonder if I was having a manic episode, and I am! See if you agree with me:

Once I got the inkling that I was I did some bullet points. Racing thoughts, irritation/agitation, unwise financial choices, decreased need for sleep, easily distracted, increased need to accomplish a million goals, increased libido and blurt out stupid crap and talk really fast from topic to topic which has nothing to do with anything…Thinking back now I’m glad I can go back and tell Chris that it was just me being manic and I’m not actually diminishing in intelligence. There were a few little spurts there in the car with him in which I almost felt like my mouth was out of control and I was really embarrassed after.

This is the longest episode I’ve had this year. It’s been almost a month of this crap. While I was laying in bed thinking about how I had about two hours before I needed to get up and shower and I realized I have way more energy than I should have. I figured the sleep problems might be hormones. In fact I pretty much brushed off everything except the excessive spending on hormones. My schedule gets off pretty often, but the extra energy was the tip off. I’m guessing stress was the trigger.

So…if I have energy and spare time before my day begins why just lay in bed? So I got up and moved some heavy furniture by myself. I still have one more piece to move but I’d probably make too much noise if I did it at this hour. I’ve been in an obsessive pre-decorating for Christmas zone. All the furniture moving is to make room for the tree.

I feel like I disassociate a little with my feelings over admitting I’m having a manic episode. I do it every time too. I feel a little anger too, because in my opinion ‘ordinary’ people think mania is something different than it is, maybe even something more dangerous than it can be. And don’t get me wrong, mania can get dangerous, but I’m not going to hurt you or your kids or your dog. I feel like people think that.

For anyone wondering, my interview went well, at least I think so. It was about a 40 minute endeavor in which benefits were explained to me and I got a tour of the facility. Training is three months so as nervous as I am about learning my job well enough to do it myself I feel more confident knowing it would be a consistent thing to get used to over an extended period of time. I’ll likely find out Monday my friend and I are thinking, if I’ve nabbed the job. The interviewer said she wanted to call my references and then call me back.

At least for the moment, I don’t mind being in manic-mode. Nothing horrific has come from it thus far, and I’m getting plenty done. Before I plummet into the impending depression that will likely follow, I’d like to get a whole bunch more stuff done. I love that “accomplished” feeling.

22 thoughts on “I’m a Rapid Cycler, You know, just FYI

    • For the past16 years, my wife and I have travelled a bumpy road in caring for and raising our youngest daughter who introduced Bipolar Disorder to our lives — she is now out on her own and making a living as a CNA, caring for others who are less able — I’ve tried to write about it in four books (Bipolar Dad; Scatterbrain; Bits@Pieces, and Straggler) — one of the biggest discoveries was my own bipolar diagnosis.

      • Phew 16years is a long time. But at least your struggles weren’t all for nothing. She is able to help others and feel a sense of accomplishment. I’ve known for 9years now that I have bipolar and some days are still worse than the day I was first diagnosed. Early detection is still a good thing though. That way we can help ourselves and so many others through our own experiences. Writing about your experiences is also a great thing. It serves as education to those who know nothing about our struggle. I’d like to read your books sometime. Keep up the good fight 🙂

  1. I relate so much to your description of mania — it’s amazing how much more manageable these spells are when we accept them for what they are — sounds like you’re doing well with that. The job sounds amazing and a great fit. Best of luck!

  2. I loved your description of your manic episode, mostly because it resonated with my own episodes. It sounds like you are making it work for you, which is something that I really struggled with over the last decade. Best of luck to you, I look forward to reading more!

  3. The manic episodes appear to be the upside, the reasoning for not taking meds for some. This was when my sister would grab someone to take along for the ride lol
    Like you stated, it is the “plummet” that is the killer.

    • Ullchhh I can’t not take my meds. My body for one is too dependent on them and it freaks out even if I miss one dose. But also I fluctuate emotionally SO QUICKLY without them that I can be a lamb one day and a monster the next. Even if I’m feeling good I FORCE myself to take them. I hate taking pills every day though. But really who likes that?

  4. I remember my days of mania WELL. Lack of sleep, racing thoughts, talking from topic to topic in 2 seconds- yeah. You have all the symptoms. But hey, as you said, the mania isn’t as bad as the stigma attached. People get a distorted view about a disorder and then from then on out, anything you do is because of it, you know? So, people with “disorders” are doubly-cursed. They must suffer the disorder AND orhers’ ignorance.

    Hope you get the job. Congratz! :0)

  5. Hey – first off, good luck to you on the job. I not only hope it is meant for you, but that in the grand scheme of things, it will be good for you, your health, and your wallet. (I’m ignorant to what the job is for as I’ve only read 2 posts of yours so far, but I’m intrigued so I wanted to comment.)

    Thanks for checking out my blog, Sister. Or are you a Brother? Either way, I doubt you’ll be offended by my complete lack of knowledge about your gender seeing as I’ve only spent a total of 3.4 minutes looking at your lifetime of blogging. But hey – I like what I see, so I’m about to follow you. So that’s one more bipolar follower to peer into your life on the regular – or whenever it is you post a post.

    Okay, here’s what I was getting to with this long, drawn-out comment (that barely looks like a comment anymore and is more like a medium-sized email message) is to say this: “Racing thoughts, irritation/agitation, unwise financial choices, decreased need for sleep, easily distracted, increased need to accomplish a million goals, increased libido and blurt out stupid crap and talk really fast from topic to topic which has nothing to do with anything…” GriefHappens totally said it – your description of the symptoms are spot on and I love hearing/reading someone else expressing these embarrassing moments because then I am able to laugh at myself in turn (ex. moving heavy furniture two hours before having to wake up. Love it.)

    Peace.

    • I am a sister! And the job is working as a developmental trainer at the educational building of a group home for people with developmental disabilities on a daily basis M-F. I’m glad you enjoyed my manic post 🙂 Right now I’m on ebay thinking to myself, “I never go on ebay, and I surely shouldn’t be on ebay while manic” HA!

      • Oh wow, that job sounds difficult yet rewarding. I have a career in social-work-type jobs and I have always found that the ones that are most challenging on me are also the ones that I receive the most from. I always learn more from my clients than they learn from me – that I am sure of! Keep writing!

  6. I was just wondering if you consider it mania or hypomania what you’ve described and how you tell the difference. I’ve often felt like you described (the moving lots of heavy furniture brings back memories!) but I’ve always considered it only hypomania when I get like that. I’ve had a more severe episode that I describe as my one full blown manic episode but after your post I’m not so sure. Maybe what I thought was hypomania has been mania all along?

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