One major anxiety I have is saying goodbye when I’m with friends. I never had a problem doing it with Chris because I was my most comfortable with him, just like I have no problem doing it with my family. (Aside from the paranoid ‘what if something bad happens to them when they go do whatever they’re out doing?’) But friends, I don’t see everyday, and I’m close to my friends, it’s a grey area. I have problems thinking that people I love don’t love me as much as I love them, which makes me need to WORK to KEEP that love strong and then I have to keep up some sort of smiling face all the time so- that- I don’t even know. I just want everybody’s time out to be a GREAT time out worth remembering. Even if we’re just watching movies and eating pizza. Or playing board games and eating pizza. Or going to Comic Con and eating gyros. My brain goes into full-on monologue mode where my logical mind thinks things out with my anxious mind and I try to keep my vitals from peaking into panic attack mode.
The next thing on my mind.
I see discounts on boat rentals, paintball and packages at Starved Rock which I ALWAYS wanted to go with Chris to. It’s a little more painful today than normal (who am I kidding, it’s wayyyy more painful) because I saw him leave flirty comments on a girls picture of her taking a selfie in her underwear. It pretty much killed my day. On the other hand it makes me feel like a 13 year old. He’d probably roll his eyes if he heard that, and I wouldn’t blame him. I forgot about it for a few hours watching Supernatural (doing this whole study- but then take an 8 hour break to marathon Supernatural), but it’s back to haunt me now. I need to sleep the next couple year of my life to get over the guy, I’m telling you. I “unfollowed” him on my facebook so I hopefully won’t see what the hell else he’s saying to women. GOD it hurts.
So what’s Supernatural got to do with anything?
I’ve seen a ton of random episodes over the years, but on Netflix wanted to start marathoning something, so I figured why not Supernatural? In my most trying times, the best distraction has been to find a TV series, an empty room, a pillow and blanket to camp out with, and press play. Dean and Sam Winchester are nice eye candy too. I used to think Sam looked like a fish, but due to the phenomena of ‘mere exposure’ I think I may have developed a fictional character crush on him. Him and you know, Tuxedo Mask, and countless other strong male leads in cartoons, novels and movies.
Thought of Chris when I saw this.
Just wanna be happy again.