Lows and the Supernatural

For starters…

One major anxiety I have is saying goodbye when I’m with friends. I never had a problem doing it with Chris because I was my most comfortable with him, just like I have no problem doing it with my family. (Aside from the paranoid ‘what if something bad happens to them when they go do whatever they’re out doing?’) But friends, I don’t see everyday, and I’m close to my friends, it’s a grey area. I have problems thinking that people I love don’t love me as much as I love them, which makes me need to WORK to KEEP that love strong and then I have to keep up some sort of smiling face all the time so- that- I don’t even know. I just want everybody’s time out to be a GREAT time out worth remembering. Even if we’re just watching movies and eating pizza. Or playing board games and eating pizza. Or going to Comic Con and eating gyros. My brain goes into full-on monologue mode where my logical mind thinks things out with my anxious mind and I try to keep my vitals from peaking into panic attack mode.

The next thing on my mind.

I see discounts on boat rentals, paintball and packages at Starved Rock which I ALWAYS wanted to go with Chris to. It’s a little more painful today than normal (who am I kidding, it’s wayyyy more painful) because I saw him leave flirty comments on a girls picture of her taking a selfie in her underwear. It pretty much killed my day. On the other hand it makes me feel like a 13 year old. He’d probably roll his eyes if he heard that, and I wouldn’t blame him. I forgot about it for a few hours watching Supernatural (doing this whole study- but then take an 8 hour break to marathon Supernatural), but it’s back to haunt me now. I need to sleep the next couple year of my life to get over the guy, I’m telling you. I “unfollowed” him on my facebook so I hopefully won’t see what the hell else he’s saying to women. GOD it hurts.

 So what’s Supernatural got to do with anything?

I’ve seen a ton of random episodes over the years, but on Netflix wanted to start marathoning something, so I figured why not Supernatural? In my most trying times, the best distraction has been to find a TV series, an empty room, a pillow and blanket to camp out with, and press play. Dean and Sam Winchester are nice eye candy too. I used to think Sam looked like a fish, but due to the phenomena of ‘mere exposure’ I think I may have developed a fictional character crush on him. Him and you know, Tuxedo Mask, and countless other strong male leads in cartoons, novels and movies.

Last thoughts?

Thought of Chris when I saw this.

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Just wanna be happy again.

One thought on “Lows and the Supernatural

  1. The happiness will come again. We feel more deeply than many. It’s the nature of the beast. And we have a hard time understanding why others don’t feel so deeply. (like my family, they don’t show emotion like I do…I’m “odd”)

    your feeling about your friends even shows what I’m talking about. You didn’t feel that way before with Chris and your parents because it felt safe with them. Chris is no longer in that safe group and you don’t know how to deal with that. it takes a lot to get in that group with us…so for someone to leave, well that just does not compute. Plus the whole…emotions are bigger with us!! (yes, spoken like a true bipolar, but remember, i’m a bipolar who has been stable for most of 2o years, and I still know my emotions are more than most peoples)

    Now…you have some homework to do about this. You can’t let all that time in your day classes..ect. go to waste. You have to keep working on it. I know the finances prohibit the continuation of things, but you can do some on your own. Work on being OK with your friends, without having to be the one to make sure everyone is happy. Yes, I’ve always been that person too, I like being her…but sometimes it will wear you down. You will start to think…would they be here if I didn’t??? oh panic…paranoia… For the most close friends…talk to them. You need support. they need to know you need love support. It’s OK…we can ask for it. It takes a long time to really get those words out, but if you keep trying, you can do it.

    Good for the Unfollow. maybe you should block. I’ve been where you are. Really. I’m very happily married to the best man in the world, and I know that the guy that I will always love….would not have been a good life long partner for me….I will always love him. But now it’s different. does it still pull at the heart strings, sometimes. not that we aren’t together, but that I didn’t really understand it all, and that is hard for us…we emotional people. But I do love him…enough to want him to be happy…without me. How did I get to the point where I didn’t just ache about it all the time….I had to decide I loved me…enough to be happy without him. no matter what. We simply didn’t fit any longer. did I understand what happened? no. but it doesn’t matter. we didn’t fit….it takes 2 to fit together…and he wasn’t part of the 2 any more.

    Feel the pain. Feel the grief. You love him….you are mourning a relationship and no one can tell you how long that will take. But try to be good to you. Do something good for you every day. Hopefully, your pain will subside and you can remember fond memories more than the pain.

    And the Supernatural Guys are so VERY HOT!!

    I need a marathon too.

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