You’re Grounded!

Environment affects anxiety and though I’m away from home where everyone’s anxiety is always out in the open and fighting for space in the air, I’m at Lane’s dog sitting for a WEEK. I packed my bags and waddled into the apartment after I miraculously found a parking spot and I’ve yet to leave my spot until I darn near have to. Along in my bag snuck my anxiety, padded between my clean clothes. It’s unpacked itself since, and has taken full advantage of not having to compete with other anxieties in the house for space. It’s taken it all!

20140329_152440While I’ve been alone with my thoughts, I’ve learned that my anxiety is really LOUD lately, like a 14 year old with a lot of attitude. “Oh you’re going to totally blow this social psych assignment.” “Chris is totally done and over even the THOUGHT of you. When he comes home he’s not going to want anything to do with you and your relationship will never be the same, loser.” “You’re starting to isolate again, you should get out of it but umm yeah let’s make sure you can’t focus on anything so you can’t have a conversation and in turn not want to have one.” Thoughts GONE WILD!

20140327_214725_8_bestshotSpeaking of things going wild, I’ve been alternating MTV and forensic documentaries depending on the time of day and what’s on. I’m likely to break the habit as soon as I leave here, but there’s not much to do aside from homework, sleep and TV here. I told my friend David I liked the WWE finally thanks to watching a show called, “Total Divas” which was about all these WWE wrestling girls. He’s a big fan of the WWE and I’ve always groaned and rolled my eyes at it. Now we can both share a laugh. Danny Brown has also made his way to MTV. I think of Chris because we were big fans at one point, even saw him at a festival once. Of course, he never got back to my last text.

I’m trying to watch my breathing. Every time I catch the anxiety balling up in the pit of my stomach and my thoughts racing I look around. There’s this coping mechanism you’re supposed to use where you look at 5 things, hearΒ 4 things, smell 3 things, touch 2 things and taste one thing. I usually use this as a loose guideline. “Let me think about where I am in the here and now. I’m in Lane’s living room, I’m on the couch, the couch is big and comfy, it smells like…dogs, I’m touching my tongue to the inside of my cheek and I have the lingering taste of Dr. Pepper in my mouth…okay breathe…” It’s usually something like that. I’m not a pro at grounding but I’m surely doing my work.

One last thing that’s a little amusing is that on Lane’s bookshelf he’s got the Karma Sutra 4 or 5 books away from a book titled Codependance. A-ma-zing.




11 thoughts on “You’re Grounded!

  1. I absolutely love your blog. I haven’t had a chance to read it through, but the layout you’ve chosen is very conducive to picking here and there, then going back and trying some other bit. I don’t know if you know this, but I struggle with bipolar II (just coming off dysphoric mania, so–yeah, color me popular lol). It’s so nice to meet a kindred spirit. NOT that, you know, I’m happy you have to have bipolar….but I’m happy there’s someone out there who gets it.

    • My (real) name is Chrissy too πŸ™‚ The computer I was at this week glitched when I was trying to get back to your comment. I can’t lie it makes me really happy that you love my blog. I completely reciprocate your feelings on kindred spiritness πŸ™‚ Please keep in touch.

  2. Good looking dog. Not having enough to do is hell when you have anxiety. I just end up with irrational thoughts spinning in my head when I’m bored. Then I usually start cleaning…for around 3 hours straight…lol…

    • If this was my place I’d probably do some cleaning, but I haven’t moved much while I’ve been here so there’s not much to clean up…yet. I’m glad you can relate even though you know…I’m not glad you can relate but…you know. It’s good to be understood.

  3. Thank you for coming by my blog, and liking my post. I’ve read a few of your posts and it makes me smile that your parents are so supportive, and give you a safe place to unload when you need to. My parents rather failed in that department, and the negative voices in my head telling me about how I’m going to fail at everything, are their voices. You have my empathy for losing the love of your life. I just found mine about six years ago, and I can imagine how devastated I would feel if I lost him.
    I really like the way you write, because it sounds quite a bit like a good portion of my internal monologue. Thanks again for stopping by my blog. I’ll be coming back to stop by yours. πŸ™‚

    • My negative voices seem to override logic a lot of the time, so I hear you. I can imagine what YOUR voices sound like. Sadly. Thank you for the compliment. Lets keep up on each others blogs for sure!

      • It’s hard when your inner voices don’t like who you are, and are always so confident that you’ll fail in everything that you do. I’m reminded of the song by P!nk called Perfect, where she says “Change the voices, in your head. Make them like you, instead.” It seems like the simplest concept, but it’s one that’s so hard to accomplish, especially when the voices have been in your head most of your life. Sometimes I take both hands and slap the sides of my head, telling the stupid voices to shut up already. My mother is dead, and I wish she had taken her voice with her.

  4. THANK YOU!!! I had never heard of the coping mechanism you shared, and it sounds really helpful to me. I will definitely be trying that. I’m not bipolar- “just” major depression and mild ADHD- but I relate to a lot of what you’re saying.
    Thank you for liking my Perseveration post. As a newbie, your support means a lot. Thank you WAY more because it brought me to your blog. You give voice to the turmoil so well, with honesty and a but of humor. I’ll be following!

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