Follow Up To Hartbreak Harbor

It’s been a long night. After I concealed the puffy circles under my eyes I went in to take my test and I knew EVERY ANSWER (except for maybe 2, but out of 50 that’s not bad). I was the first one to finish which had me both confident but a little apprehensive.

when-im-the-first-one-done-on-a-test_o_2314341On the way home I listened to loud music. I found some old CD’s Chris and I bought together from a record store and put in the one with the best beats that made my car sound like I had a system. I was relishing in my adrenaline from the test. Then I started to wear out by the time I got home 50 minutes later from school.

Then after a couple hours of worrying I did something really big. I broke it to my folks that I won’t be graduating this Spring because the teacher gave my presentation a 0 and wouldn’t accept a doctors note and the Dean sided with her decision. I bawled my eyes out and unlike the response I was expecting, both parents (one which I had waken from bed) said to do better next time and it’s alright and they still love me (after minutes of me wailing that I was sorry I was sick and a failure and I’m sorry they didn’t have a better child). Eventually I calmed down, and felt 10,000 times better that I finally got it in the open. I even applied for a job as a DSP (Direct Service Professional) in the Chicagoland area and we’ll see if I get a call back for that. In the meantime I’m going to put all my effort into getting A’s in my other two classes.

As I was laying in bed I remembered something that happened back when I was finishing up the crying session in the car. I was looking for a pen to take my test with and shuffling through my purse for about a minute when I pulled out a child’s tea set spoon, lavender to be exact. It came rushing back to me that Izzy, the 5 year old I take care of, gave it to me last time I saw her (a week ag0). She had originally wanted me to keep a teacup but I told her she might need that so she insisted on a spoon which I told her I would keep with me all the time and, I have. It reminded me how much I’m loved, and after such a rough day was the kind of sweet thing I needed to savor.

I have plans to see one of my best friends on Saturday for breakfast and maybe a walk in the forest preserve, weather permitting. As long as we don’t get brutally murdered on our walk I have dogsitting coming back up and 2 papers due next Tuesday.

4 thoughts on “Follow Up To Hartbreak Harbor

  1. Chrissy, I am glad that your parents supported you. Don’t they alway though? See what catastrophic thinking can do? Give yourself time, I am inspired by your resilience, and also saddened by your pain. I can relate to both.

  2. I hope you will give yourself a pat on the back for your kindness to the people and pet you care about. Perhaps, as a sensitive soul, sometimes you may hold back on doing well (like in school). Being determined will certainly move you forward. I’m glad you enjoyed my post, “Crackin’ the Blues.”

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