My parents will sleep in today, but I’m awake early. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and read until I was emotionally exausted by the book The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. I didn’t imagine how scary it would be when I bought it on my Kindle account. I don’t have a Kindle, but I have an amazon account and a Kindle app on my phone. Same with my Nook even though I do have a Nook. But I had an Amazon gift card which is why I bought the book (And also The Handmaid’s Tale) on the Kindle.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to read. It seems after the stroke of twelve before the stroke of six in the morning I have better concentration. I’d better finish my post, I only have 8 minutes. I made it through my first lab class which I need to graduate and for the four hours it lasted had no concentration. I paniced a bit that I’d miss something important. I learned a little through the muck in my brain. I need to get my ADHD testing done this week if possible so I can start on medicine and be clear minded.
I’ve been alone the past few weeks, not often talking to my closest friends, not often talking to my family, mostly sleeping because sleep is the only way to alleviate anxiety to the fullest. When I wake up I feel sick, like my whole body is hypersensitive and it aches. The house needs a good cleaning. Perhaps that’s what I’ll do today to make some use of myself. I’m not much use while I’m sleeping.
There are too many responsibilities I’m running from because of anxiety. Five minutes until six. It’s time to gather myself up and decide the next thing to do while I’m still motivated. Dear God, help me through today.