My Relationship Status

I’m really depressed. Not to be a whiny bitch, but this song completely sums up my current relationship status.

So you no longer care if there’s another day

I guess I have been there, I guess I am there now

You knew what you wanted and you fought so hard

Just to find yourself sitting in a golden cage

In a golden cage

So of course I miss you and miss you bad

But I also felt this way when I was still with you

Yes of course I miss you and miss you bad But I also felt this way when I was still with you

This city’s no longer mine

There’s sadness written on every corner.

Still in an emotional relationship with someone which seems to be going nowhere. But I’ve been in love with the guy for five years. So sadly, no one is going to be him at this stage of my emotional being. I’d rather be alone, but god I’m lonely right now. Being bipolar doesn’t help in the slightest, in fact it makes the depression ten times worse. He’s my best friend too, which hurts the most because we talk every day but there’s really nothing there, while he’s halfway across the country at least. It’s a different story when he’s back in town for months at a time, and I hope it is again when he comes back. I just really want to be with the person I love. Doesn’t everybody?

Thanks for listening to me blabber. I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while but just couldn’t face facts and write it all out, now I have. Took my ‘mental health day’ and all it ended up being was oversleeping and my car not working properly. I need to get it fixed but I tutor tomorrow so I’m hoping it’ll get me through tomorrow so I can get it to Pep Boy’s on Friday morning. One good thing that came out of the day was I talked to my favorite couple from Massachusetts on Mumble. I missed their voices and their company, and now we can all play World of Warcraft together again. They’re closer to me than my own family (sadly in some ways) but they kept me from feeling too lonely until the night rang and I woke up at 3am feeling miserable and missing my bear.

8 thoughts on “My Relationship Status

  1. Hey, hope you get to feeling better soon! (Yeah, yeah, I know..) I just ended my 7 year off again-on again relationship with my BFF-guy. Seven years! We were each others’ skins. It was miserable in the end and the pain of being together outweighed the pain of being apart. That’s when you know it’s over, eh? When “lonliness” starts looking pretty damn good.

    Do what you have to do to be healthy though. WTG on the tutoring thing- that’s awesome. :0) My next semester begins the day after tomorrow; I’ll be transferring in June to start working on my BA in Sociology. (BOOYAH!) Where are you at in your studies? And did you survive your finals? heh.. Hang in there. It can only be crappy for so long, right? Then it gets even crappier.

    I meant to say, “then it gets better”!

    šŸ˜‰

    • I can obviously relate to your 7 year journey with your BFF-guy. I’m sorry for any of your pain down that road. I hope stepping away from your relationship is the best bet. I feel so trapped in the mindset that it’s an awful idea to step away from mine that I can’t be super supportive like “great job! you go girl!” You know? Thanks for the support on the tutoring thing šŸ™‚ The kids are all sorts of trouble unfortunatley, I get anxiety the days I have to go there. Congratulations on your studies! I’m proud of you šŸ™‚

      I’m in my senior year last semester, SO close and SO scared I’ll mess it all up. I’m off to talk to my advisor Tuesday (which gives me so much anxiety in case there’s something I’m missing) I did survive finals miraculously šŸ™‚

      And you’re right, it does get even crapp—better after it’s crappy šŸ˜‰

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