Tomorrow’s the day

I originally thought all the signs were pointing in one direction until I moved a little and a bunch more signs read to go the other way. I’ve been lost in mixed episode wonderland where making decisions is a hard thing to do and my perception is bloated.

Tomorrow’s the day I plan on venturing into the health club I signed up for online this past week. The moment after I did it in my nice manic state the depression from regret kicked in and that dread of even having to cancel seemed to be too much to bare. I’d really love to get back in shape though. Gaining nearly 100lbs on Depakote after my manic episode that landed me in the hospital one year ago this month was a life-changing horrific event I’ve yet to remedy. I’ve lost maybe 20lbs total but there’s a LOT more to go. Thanks to hypothyroidism it’s a lot harder to lose weight and worse than that have energy to run around and lose the weight. One day at a time is the best I can do.

When taking my test tonight for my very important psych class, the professor said only to put our names on the front page so he doesn’t subconsciously grade with bias. I just imagined him having me in mind when he made the announcement as he knows I’m having a hard time and may even take into account how mania can affect your attention span and focus including during a test. Maybe I’m just being self centered, but I’d like to think it’s a sweet notion that I’m screwed up and special and he likes me.

17 thoughts on “Tomorrow’s the day

  1. I was put on depakote, risperdal, and zyprexa among other meds after I was diagnosed 10 years ago. I inflated like a balloon, and kept gaining more weight as years go on. I’m now starting to address the weight gain issue and it’s tough. Congratulations on losing those 20 pounds!

    • Thanks theothersid3 🙂 I just saw the scale today and I lost another pound. I haven’t exactly been working at it but today I did a lot of moving things around to get christmas decor out in the basement, up and down and up and down the stairs and I’m sweating right now, might not be push ups but I feel like I got a little workout. 🙂 I’ve never heard of zyprexa but I know risperdal and depakote (oh so well). Thanks for the comment 🙂

  2. It’s unreal how some of these medications balloon people out and others suppress your appetite to the point where you can’t remember when you last ate.

    Psyching yourself up to go to the gym might not be the best choice for your Agoraphobia or OCD. It’s an extremely huge step. I workout at home, but I don’t make a huge deal out of it. If it doesn’t happen, I let it go. When it happens and it doesn’t kill my in the process, great. All in all, do not beat yourself up over ANYTHING.

  3. Hey, BBQ, how much further do you have to get your bachelor’s? And isn’t it in Psychology? This B.S. in PSYCH is kicking my ass! I have another 3 semesters after this one. I may get my master’s afterwards and simply be an adjunt Psych. professor. (Distance Ed./At home in my jammies…haha…)

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