House Hopping, Family, Fears, and Reflection

One thing I do well is in-home pet sitting. I don’t have any animals at home, so I baby other peoples pets. I get a little time away from home to myself living in other peoples houses. The only con is that I may spend a little extra on gas if I need to stop home or at school and back to a usually further away destination than home is for me. The past 2 weeks I’ve spent the majority of my time pet sitting. The houses and apartments I frequent when I have these jobs are like vacation homes. I’m familiar and comfortable with them. I’m lucky to some degree that I can have that experience and that people trust me so much as to leave their home and animals in my hands.

My cousin is spending time for school in Ireland and I won’t say I’m not jealous. She started up a blog about her adventures which I think is a fabulous idea. The closest I get to an exotic vacation is living in someone else’s house for a week. After playing the role of the “cool aunt” to the animals I clean up any sign that I was in the house to begin with. No one wants to come home to an unmade bed, a sink full of dishes and a full garbage can. I even fluff all the pillows in the house and make sure the remote controls are where they were when I arrived.

Speaking of my cousins blog, it’s http://cloversandchrist.wordpress.com/. I do hope my family knows that I love them. I feel like an outcast sometimes and I don’t think any of them really know how damn hard it is to be bipolar and most importantly how it affects my school and social life (which includes family life). But I care with all my heart for both sides of my family and can’t ever really express myself properly through striking up a conversation or visiting with my non-stop schedule. The closest I get now is facebook, and even that is just mostly ‘liking’ posts of theirs. I even care about my uncle, aunt and cousins that divorced themselves from the family when I was a little kid.

I have a fear that the family I do have in my life doesn’t love me very much or think that I care. I wish I was a better niece, cousin and granddaughter. Being cheesey it’s like that episode of True Blood in season 6 where they were at Terry’s funeral and the pastor said instead of “God, Country, Family” or “God, Family, Country” for Terry it was “Family, Family, Family” and though God is a large and quiet presence in my life, I love with my whole heart my family and close friends who might as well be family.

If I never had bipolar disorder I think my relationships would be different, but for now I fight daily to overcome the anxieties that accompany it, and just try my best to keep my heart open.

On another note, my nerdy guy friends and I opened a bunch of Theros boosters from the box we all chipped in for and I made a great white and blue deck which I kept at the end of the night. Next week we’re going to kick back with some pizza and make decks out of all the cards that I have now with the assistance of the more competitive, experienced payers in the group.

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