I’m not sure if I’m crashing or not because my thyroid is also catching up with me. I have hypothyroidism and it sucks the energy from me but today all I wanted to do (have been doing) is sleep. And I know exactly on days like this that it’s a thyroid issue. I feel the same uncomfortable body symptoms, I sleep the same amount, I have vivid dreams (even though I know bipolar people tend to have more vivid dreams than normal people), etc. At least I’m able to catch up on sleep, but the problem is that tomorrow, and the day after and the day after I have plans. Today I have nothing to do so it’s fine if I sleep all day. But what happens when I get my wind at night and can’t go back to sleep? Then during the time I’m SUPPOSED TO be up and alert, I may not be. Depending on how shitty my thyroid gets. I need a higher dose of synthroid, and I finally got desperate enough today because of this experience to not be terrified to call the doctor and make an appointment. Of course I need to wait for a call back now. But I’m too tired to care one way or another about anxiety picking up the phone. I can barely remember the name I just said on the phone when addressing the doctor let alone be like ‘OMG WHAT IF HE HATES ME?!’
Then there’s the shopping craze. Angela even told me after I bought a Betsey Johnson bag from Nordstrom Rack yesterday (which I was holding like a baby and making mental love to pre and post buying it) I need to try to not buy anything for a week. Well I already bought something else, so now I need to not hate myself and keep up the willpower. Here’s the Betsey bag and here’s the planner I bought.
RIP to my niece dog. My best friend Nikki’s dog passed away. She was only a puppy. A month or so old. 😦 This is us together. I’m glad we got a picture even though she was a wiggle factory.
Aside from all of that, and back to shopping…I’m a huge planner person so this one is really cool and I’m going to try to use it all the way through. But just like with my notebooks, I get bored of things easily. Oh there’s like 100 more pages left in my notebook? Screw finishing that. Let’s get the next really cool journal we spend way too much on and love and write really tiny in until we realize that we don’t want to write in the next 200 pages that are left even though we’ve only gone through 60…I mean this is a real problem for me. And I’m a sentimental freak so I keep all my journals. Which also makes it more of a dilemma because then all I want to do is FINISH them so I don’t have a collection of twenty HALF FINISHED journals! Where was I again? This is a picture of a journal I bought (an example of how I like awesome ones) off of mochithings.com
Oh yeah. I get bored of things easy. And I can cut people out of my life easily as well. I was thinking those two mental abilities go hand in hand, and I’m thinking that’s probably a Leo thing too. My horoscopes have been dead on lately, that’s for certain. That’s my new obsession. I’ll impatiently wait until midnight every day so that I can read my new horoscope, and the more accurate they are daily, the more likely I am to become even more obsessed for the next day. Perhaps when I’m done with this whole hypomania thing I’ll settle down with that. But right now I’m all ready for facebook status updates like “Leo’s: Stubbornly clinging to their pride since the big bang.” I wonder if animal Leo’s are the same. Or what happens with animals or animals under their sun signs or Chinese zodiac animals?!?!? I’m a rabbit. By the way.
I recently (like a month ago) friended my ex boyfriend J on facebook. We’ve been re-connecting and he is the same really vague guy he’s always been. It’s neat though. And we used to play World of Warcraft together, so I got semi obsessed after finding out yesterday that he plays LoL which I play and haven’t for six months but started suddenly a week ago. That’s when he asked me if I played and it’s fascinating to me to know what he plays, that he plays, what play style, and I’m getting a real rise out of it. (Or Ryze if you play LoL you’ll understand the bad joke). It gives me intensive to play again as well. I had so much trouble emotionally after my boyfriend and I broke up being able to play the game we played DAILY together, and now I just don’t care, which is great because I’m over that codependency and bad feelings thing. Oh yeah but I’m super glad James and I are friends now with no feelings or strings attached. Feels GREAT! Even though I go through phases of wanting to be BFFSLETSTALKANDPLAYGAMES and yeahokaywe’refriendsagainthatsneat. Told you I got bored easy of people. They’re not something I can control so I get emotional about them. Or…the total opposite.
NOTE: I forgot to post/finish this. Played a couple games with J and D. (My old friend D too!) My computer was awful which killed my mood and my game, and then I was just done being enthusiastic. I also slept another several hours. God I’m moody. I’m seeing one of my best friends, David tomorrow, with C, who is the most complicated relationship in my life. Been giving him the silent treatment all week and I’m high fiving myself that I managed to do it. That shit’s hard. I’m making D&G’s ‘light blue’ cologne for half price for my friends friend. I’m crafty and like doing that stuff and it’ll bring in some income. Tomorrow I’ll hair chalk with UO’s hair chalk palette. The key is to use wet strips of hair I guess. Kevin Murphy says if you powder your eyeshadow and put it in your hair you do it dry then wet it a tad and it makes it look more natural not that many of the colors you’re going to use are natural looking. Now I’m getting angry my blog is getting less organized and I’m not in a good mood. I’ve always fought myself emotionally about whether or not I should explain things in blogs or just blog, or just not blog about anything personal, or theme my blogs. Told you I was messed up.
Maybe this obsession with blogging is because I’m trying to ween myself off paper journals. But then I get really paranoid stalkers from the past are going to find me and read my blog. Or my whole family. Or something creepy. And that’s why I don’t give too many personal details. Ha, I really am crazy. Self deprecation FOR THE WIN!